Thursday Thought #1

When I was in New York in the summer I bought myself one of New York University’s academic diaries and above the Thursday section of every week there’s an ‘inspirational quote’. I always read them but I never actually pay attention or take what they say into consideration. As a way to reflect on both my life and these ideas I have decided to share my opinion on these quotes by doing these ‘Thursday Thoughts’.

TT 1

This quote by Will Rogers is something that I really should take into consideration. This is something that I struggle a lot with. I’m a big sucker for holding on to things that I really can’t do anything about. I don’t like that I’m a very regretful person but I am. I feel like this leads to a lot of sadness in my life- especially once it gets dark; I think a lot of people have the same problem where they go to bed at night and every single bad thing they’ve ever done in their life hits them like a ton of bricks.

Sometimes if I genuinely can’t sleep I end up thinking about things that I should regret. I will be one hundred percent honest and let you guys know that I’m not the most selfless person so there are a few things in my life that I have done purely for my own gain- sometimes admittedly bad. However, I won’t get into that because: 1) its off topic, 2) it will probably come up at another time and 3) I don’t want one of your first impressions of me to come across as horrible. Also, the whole point is meant to be letting go of the past and focusing on the future of I might as well start now.

It is not necessarily things in my life that I carry around with me from day to day; it’s definitely the people; whether it is their influence, their absence or just the thought of them on your mind. Take for instance a song that makes you think of someone specific, a place you used to go with someone, or the person you hope for every time you get a text- I don’t personally believe that that is avoidable.

Whether it is relationships that have turned sour or friendships that have faded, there have always been times where I’m going about my business and find myself craving their conversation and attention. Even as I’m writing this there’s someone who I wish would pop up and that’s mostly it. I don’t understand people who can drop things straight off the bat. How do you guys do it? I can hold a grudge for years if I have to before I get the chance to unleash.

Bottling up emotions certainly does not help matters and I’m very guilty of this. I can keep emotions bubbling inside of me for a long, long time to the point where it’s unhealthy and I think that’s where a lot of my relationships with people go wrong. I let myself get to a place where I can’t see past all these thoughts clear enough to redeem myself. Feel like that might be a personality disorder of some sort…

My general overview of this is that it’s impossible, and I’m sorry to Rogers because it’s a very nice thought in theory. Not carrying your past with you would mean that you would wake up every day as a brand new person. Your past defines you and I think you should definitely acknowledge it; it’s just what you do with it that’s the important part. Let yesterday effect your future, learn from your mistakes but don’t let them become a burden.

Holly xo

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